Four mums united by the power of art therapy have spoken of the friendship, skills and confidence their sessions have given them.
Emie Rayfield, Lyzi Richardson, Lucy Singh and Louisa Tomley are supported by East Anglia’s Children’s Hospices (EACH) and have become an integral part of the charity’s online Create sessions.
Led by Art Therapist Sandra Smith, with contributions from other creative colleagues at EACH, the group is for parents and carers using EACH’s bereaved or child care-led services at its hospices in Cambridgeshire, Norfolk and Suffolk.
Consisting of two six-week blocks per year – each having its own theme – Create was developed during the first national lockdown and has been running since 2020.
Despite being reluctant initially, Emie signed up as a way of helping her cope following the death of her baby son, Theodore, in July 2021.
He was just 71 minutes old and had exomphalos – a defect of the abdominal wall detected during Emie’s routine 12-week scan. At that point, it was hoped surgery would correct the problem. Instead, more scans revealed further problems, notably the fact he had no kidneys, and Emie and partner Lee were referred to The Nook – EACH’s hospice in Norfolk.
“I’m someone who’s always suffered from anxiety, and it’s only got worse since losing Theodore,” said Emie.
“There are days I barely leave the house, so finding ways to connect with people can be very difficult.
“When I first heard about these sessions, my immediate reaction was ‘I can’t draw’, and I wasn’t sure it was right for me.
“However, I decided to give it a go and am so pleased I made that decision.
“I felt welcome from the start, despite being anxious, and we have lots of laughs and giggles.
“I feel part of a family, and I always look forward to it.
“When I’m doing my art, it brings me closer to Theodore.
“I try and bring him into everything I produce, and everything I create is about him.
“Not only that, it gives me a chance to calm my brain and escape the chaos of everyday life.
“It gives me an opportunity to spill my thoughts onto paper, and everyone’s so encouraging and supportive.
“I remember being worried at the start, feeling anxious people would laugh at my work.
“However, nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone is so lovely, and I definitely didn’t have any cause to panic.
“I always feel relaxed after the sessions, like I’m floating around.
“Every day of my life feels chaotic, so this group boosts my wellbeing. It helps make life more manageable and allows me to cope better.”
The main objectives of Create have not changed since 2020. Essentially, it remains a safe space providing the opportunity to meet and feel connected with others.
Lyzi is one of those to enjoy the social aspect, while using the sessions as a chance to carve out time for herself amid a busy life. Son Dylan, 14, receives care at The Treehouse.
“I consider myself a creative person but not necessarily artistic,” she said.
“However, there’s something special about it being a shared experience, and, from a personal point of view, I always describe it as ‘me time’, when I don’t have to worry about anyone or anything else.
“Sometimes we talk and our conversations run deep, including a recent one about the environment.
“At other times, in contrast, people prefer to work in silence. That’s fine, too.
“It’s more about being part of something and knowing there are people around if you do want to share your feelings. It’s a safe, comfortable space.”
Lucy feels equally positive and enjoys being with other parents who understand the challenges of having a child with additional needs.
Daughter Gabriella, 12, receives care at The Nook.
“Without it, the reality is I wouldn’t make time to do something for myself,” said Lucy, who has another daughter, 18-year-old Rosella.
“Like everyone else, I suffer from ‘mum guilt’ and don’t give myself a break.
“Create sessions are the exception to that, and, for the time we’re together, I never dwell on what else I should be doing.
“It’s a relief, and, instead, I focus on what’s happening in the moment. It feels so natural and positive to be doing something creative.
“I also love being with the others because we all know how each other feels.
“We can relate to each other, whereas other people don’t understand. They offer sympathy and pity, but that’s not what we want.
“I’ve learnt new skills, and, in terms of the art we produce, there’s never any judgement.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s awful or brilliant, and it doesn’t matter if you can draw or not. That’s not the point of the sessions, and people can be themselves, because we’re all in the same boat.”
Louisa feels comfortable being with the other mums and cites a ‘level of understanding’ that has boosted her mental health.
Her son, Bailey, 15, receives care at The Treehouse.
“People don’t get me and feel uncomfortable talking about Bailey,” she said.
“They don’t know what to say, when the reality is I don’t want them to say anything.
“This group is the complete opposite, because there’s a level of understanding among each other.
“It’s an opportunity to switch off and drift into my own little world.
“I love that feeling and value the time to be alone with my thoughts. With so much going on, it’s not something I get to do very often.
“It’s amazing therapy for my brain, to forget everything going on around me.
“It’s definitely helped in terms of my mental health, and, because of it, I don’t feel so alone.”
There have now been 13 blocks of sessions since 2020.
In the years since, there have been notable milestones as well as the development of an online gallery to showcase work on the EACH website.
The group has also developed a partnership with the Sainsbury Centre, Museum and Gallery, at the University of East Anglia.
This has included an online session with the museum’s artists, as well as summer visits to the gallery.
Another key partnership has been established with the National Trust, leading to summer workshops at Sutton Hoo, as well as a summer workshop at The Treehouse, in Ipswich.
“In the beginning, EACH suddenly had to learn how to provide something online that was previously a face-to-face group,” said Sandra.
“However, while it was the start of something new, the core values and main objective have never changed.
“Essentially, it’s all about supporting people to feel connected, and I can confidently say I’ve seen a positive change in the attendees over the years.
“It’s a friendly, welcoming hub where we mix art and craft skills with a chance to learn about different styles and artists, be imaginative and enjoy each other’s company.
“Art and making things is good for our soul, and there are many reasons for that. It’s fulfilling and allows us to express ourselves, producing work that speaks about our lives.”
Create gives parents and carers the chance to produce artwork they can proudly share, or might like to recreate with their family around the kitchen table.
“Art activities takes the mundane and changes its shape, which has a wide-ranging and positive impact on our wellbeing,” added Sandra.
“It promotes curiosity, fun and imagination, and, in terms of our sessions together, the artwork unites people, rather than feeling divided and alone because of the realities of their daily lives.
“Whenever I’m asked by someone new about joining, my advice is always the same. Bag up some courage, dust down an old pencil case, grab some paper and register for Create via the EACH website.”
To find out more, sign up and watch a video produced by parents, head here.
